Tuesday, November 27, 2007


We were running to the train as fast as possible. Crossing in front of traffic this way and that. Literally almost knocking people over on their asses, but we made it. Right through the doors at the last second. The train creaked, shook and then kept on moving. They stop for no man or woman it seems, on occasions. We sat down on the nice, warm, heated seats. Tore off our scarves and hats. To make matter worse, the spliff we had smoked earlier had really done us in. Time. Slowed. Down. A l m o s t t o t h e p o i n t. Of. CONFUSION. 

Then it sped up fast again, so fast that all of the seconds that were slowed down turned into 2 seconds faster than the first and we found our self-caught up again, with time.

A Mexican guy started staring at me in the most peculiar way. It made me a bit self-conscious so I stared back to fight off the urge to look away in defeat. He stared further into the depths of my eyes. So I reciprocated on the matter. He looked away right out the window, it was too much. It seemed to bother him more than it originally bothered me, but I figure hell if you're going to look someone in the eyes go as far and deep with it as you can. Smash the windows to the soul. Crash.

Moments later a lady slammed the rear door of the train and started screaming obscenities and following up with some sort of charity case. She got right into peoples faces. A little too close for comfort. Now I know everyone has to eat and everyone needs to live a good life but after you get done telling everyone where to fuck off and then you get right in their faces and scream for money and no one gives it to you the best thing to do might be to leave in peace but it all ends how it begins, so it goes. 

The moment on her way out, she turns round and says, "you can all fuck off for all I care, someone will help me in the next car, you bunch of ungrateful fuckers." I couldn't tell you how many times I have seen this scene play over and over again, on the same train, with the same woman and the same reactions. You can still find her trudging through the JMZ screaming at herself.

Questions arose, Does anything really change? Is it the same story over and over again but with different characters? I am sometimes led to believe so. This life is somewhat of a purgatory at times. 

Is this the beginning and end of hell? We got off the train wondering just what all that was about. 

It's always full of some funny sort of absurdity in this big city town.


I see myself walking down the street into infinite possibilities.

There's dog shit on the sidewalk but i step right over it just in time to find someone trying to rob me with a fake gun, I shrug my shoulders and wonder what the hell that guy was trying to do.

I get on the train and take it to the 4th stop where there are people walking past me with eyes falling off their foreheads and broken legs taking over an old man's rickety step and swagger.

I seek nothing but the good and true-hearted and maybe occasionally a good sandwich from the local deli guy. I also share a slice of humble pie with a good friend of mine.

I don't bother defeating the local swine in the hipster hell, I just walk on by like they don't notice me which is one of the best things ever because I don't have to dress my words up or make my phrases sound like a yodeler on the tops of the mountains because we are all the mountains and all the valleys and sometimes rocks just collide in landslides but they aren't victories that are fair. Most people live through other people's eyes, not taking any chances, not trying to push things in a direction that is unnatural. 

It sucks when you see everything from everyone else's perspectives other than your own. If you are reading this and aren't doing anything interesting with your life, then maybe you should rethink and reconsider your purpose. Living through other people's ideals, expectations, and standards is a waste of the life you have. 

You have this one life and this one life only. Don't be afraid of your life. 

The big unknown.


Mulberry Street. November 19th, 2006. A decent night it was aside from the fast life around me.
Everything was at half speed, half mast. The people were going so fast,

They walked right through me. Was my timing off?

Was I existing at the right speed? I don't know. The moon winced.

There were no secrets. The clouds moved on.

A man on the sidewalk constructed a sort of mat out of old cardboard boxes and began screaming at you when you walked by and if you got close enough. He would grab your legs and tear them off piece by piece but an eternity would pass before you even realized what was going on.

At another dimly lit corner, the NYPD's messenger boys were walking through the streets racially profiling everyone and everything they could. 

One officer began yelling at an Asian man. The conversation was something like, Look at you, you fucking creep.

Go back to China or wherever the fuck you came from. The man said nothing back. He knew the next punch line but he knew enough not to say it because it's all downhill from there when you are the one without the gun. He trudged on. Who was the one with the power? Some experts would agree on the man who makes the most damage would be the man in control, but I would have to disagree.

The man who said nothing, he won. 
The false victor was in search of destruction. 

I called for a cab and said, get me out of this place.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


Picture yourself running around in circles. Picture the streets filled with shit. Everything is black and white. All these people are having a great time. While other people are trying to run around and not get blasted by giant sprays from machine guns. There're all these fortune tellers and all these politicians. Little tiny shops and offices with handguns. You go through the door and you want to see what's going on. There're all these different shops because this used to be a place you could go and buy things. Go shopping for groceries but instead, you open the door and some big fat politician with a cigar takes out a gun ready to blow your brains out. 

You run down the street and there're all these floats everywhere in the street. Celebrating that finally the world is over or something or some new race is taking over. Everyone on the float is dressed in drag. Everyone is yelling and screaming and pulling people off of the floats who aren't supposed to be on them. Endless amounts of vodka and everyone is wasted. They just keep feeding it to the people and they just keep taking it down. Someone grabs someone else by their hair. Others point machine guns and blow their brains out and throw them on the ground like it's no big deal like it's not real like it's not happening. Other people are laughing. 

I am running in circles in this neighborhood that seems to never end. There's no outer boundaries and I am with someone else. I don't know who it is. They get killed. I am running scared again. this guy in the distance keeps looking at me, he's aiming for me. and I am running but my feet don't feel like they are going anywhere. All of a sudden, I feel these things open up my head. I fall down to the icy ground, then I know what it's like to be dead. I didn't enjoy a moment of it. I thought too much about the pain. Realized there was nothing more to gain. Got trapped in a maze, and couldn't get out. The maze of the matrix. 

I stopped thinking of a way out, and it just opened up by itself. I looked back and realized it just showed me how destructive human beings can be. They have no idea of what it's like to live. They just know what it's like to make people die. 

Then there was silence on the tape and that endless loop stopped. We no longer thought about death. No longer thought about life. No longer thought about anything anymore, it was all a thought of itself. 

It was only a daydream. A dream that we wake up from. A dream that I will never dream again.


Very large electrical towers that look like women with their spring dresses on and we'll wire them together and make sure they are all slaves together. Sex slaves to each other. You can see the sexuality of high tension wires and how they are all connected to each other, spanning on for miles. Chained. 

Like they are never going to get away from each other because they are stuck in the ground and there's no hope for any other life than this. They have it all re-wired in their brains, somewhere in there and that's something that is important that we need to remember. 

All you have to do is cut the wires. When the electricity stops. Everyone is fucked. 

Then you finally get a glimpse of what it's like to be yourself, in a world that's telling you otherwise.

You should be someone else they say. someone else who's not perfect, wait. Don't be anyone else but the perfect person who is finally going to make it in this place and that's the problem right there. 

We keep pissing and shitting in our drinking water and we pretend that it's not really happening. 

Am I drinking this or is this pretend? I am just waiting for all the dams to break and the water rushes in. 

Then we'll build an army pump oil from the ground. build all these funny contraptions completely mar the earth like full body tattoos and we'll build hot steamy things, make shit look like it's blowing up. Make it feel like there is some sort of point to all this.

We'll build very large ovens with very large flames coming out of them. Put people in there,

then blow up atom bombs on places we'll never visit ever again. What does it matter? it's not our radiation. it's not our skin falling off. it's someone else's and they don't really feel it. They are just not-americans. They are just people not affiliated with us. We are the only people that exist in this country. No one exists anywhere else. 

Now there's a fucked up thing to think about but the clouds keep on going. Keep passing off, going everywhere and it never ends.

In the future, you will see people sunbathing in radiation. People driving with their doors wide open, flying down the beach. Getting rays of radiation and sun tanning at the same time. 

People will sing about it in the background: All right, everything is great! Here's life.

They'll take pictures. Wow, the new progression for Humankind. We finally made it. 
We finally did something that was so important. We'll look at buildings mirrors and reflections and just see the same thing, just a mirror image but we'll pay more attention to the image rather than the actuality looking at because supposedly that's more interesting. It's more interesting to capture things and not really be there. 

It's like an answering machine picking up every single time you are calling someone and pretending you already had the conversation every-single-time. 

Remember when we talked about that?

Once you lose yourself, then who are you?

You're somebody else.


High above everything. With the sun as our guide. We followed the wind. 

Everything turned black but it looked like the ocean. We were two miles up if you had to give it a description. Floating somewhere near the pacific. Right above it all. It was the high time of our lives. 

A pinnacle moment when we finally realized that we are alive. Then these assholes started playing trumpets. 

I don't know how the hell they got up here, but they just started doing it and it never went away. Then there were waterfalls. 

What do you think of waterfalls?

Three feet deep and green.

I would fall with them.

I wouldn't go chasing them though.

I heard a song that said that once.

I bet they were trying to make a point, something important, you know?

If the sun can follow waterfalls than I can too.

I guess that's why I am the sun and you are the moon.

It's the other way around apollo.

oh, oops. I don't want to chase them anyways.