Saturday, November 1, 2008

{I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS}

I thought we were all going to be that momentum, that locomotive you see on the news that got out of control and toppled over into a million different directions, but no one got hurt. I thought that we were a group of young kids all putting an individual voice in. I thought that it would completely disrupt the space and time continuum. I thought it would dismantle the engine of destruction and we would live guilt free and free of making mistakes along the way. I thought we would all be saviors saving ourselves. I thought we would not follow the patterns of our pre-packaged lives. I thought we would build our own accessories, our own adapter kits and they would be used universally instead of having to fish around for used parts and cheap labor. 

There would be no more junk cars in the middle of nowhere. No more empty houses with broken windows and every single time someone would smile our backs wouldn't shatter into a tiny million pieces from the cringe of knowing that not all of this is our fault. Fractures would heal just as fast as a chameleon would change from green to brown.

Now I drive down some long road with no turns and its pouring out. It's humid and the air conditioner button is stuck but will not go on. The windows keep fogging up and every time I open them the rain rushes in like some underwater orchestra playing the last song of the night, stubbing out the last cigarette we will smoke. I would like to think that my life is like a really expensive wine getting better with age and the taste smoothing out as the hours of our death slowly creep in. 

Instead, I am surrounded by used car salesmen with imitation suits and ties based off of other imitation suits and ties. It reminds me that even lily pads on the pond are just expressive ways to make it seem like frogs really jump from them. Loudspeakers get loud and crackle. Alligator shoe salesmen's ankles fall apart. 

Messengers paint secrets of the world where not many people will be able to read them. Saying goodnight to a loved one becomes a thing of the past. 

This all comes to me while looking up in the sky at the sun. 

This all comes to me while I decode the gestures they are trying to tell us about.