Thursday, December 25, 2008

{BLUE MOON}

Blue moon diner with Ziggy talking about the time that has passed since we first met and all of the crazy things we have been through together in this city. All the failed attempts at love, music, celebration, creation all due to the fight between the split inside of us. It all seems like such a waste of time but at the same time, it has brought us through this to show us something bigger than ourselves and to compare any time, any person and any one is a waste of time and is not fair to anything. Useless to regret the way everything happened when you weren't sure what was going on and how you contributed to it all. Avoidance of the more negative qualities of life just perpetuated them even more. 

Now the shackles and the chains we have imposed on ourselves have fallen off and we grow wings to fly out of the inner depths of the hell that almost seemed real for a time. I get up to use the bathroom and as I walk back there I think about how lucky we really are to be alive still, to be here, to be in this moment sharing these thoughts. Yes, life has moments of a certain sentimentality that not many people want to admit. I walk back to the bathroom and there is a man with a sullen look drinking a beer in a cup and he is staring down at the floor looking very sad and he tells me that the door is open so I walk past him to use it. I start pissing out all of the digested coffee and this thought comes to me that this man once I walk out of the bathroom is going to start a conversation with me, now I didn't know what he was going to say but I just knew this for some reason, there was a deep feeling that spoke to me. 

So I walk out and lo and behold he starts speaking to me. He tells me he is very lonely and how the night before he had gotten jumped by a thief, blacked out and woke up in Beth Israel Hospital and didn't remember how he got there, why, or anything. His life has been a constant struggle with no possibility for anything else other than that. I just listened to him speak because that is what he needed. To be heard. He said he was hungry so I reached into my wallet and gave him the last five dollars that I had on me and after I did this he started to cry uncontrollably and gave me the biggest hug ever. He told me he loved me and that no one has ever stopped and listened to what he wanted to say and that no one has ever let him hug them. He also said that he doesn't care about the money it was the point that I took the time out of my life to share the moment with him when he really needed it. I said it was no big deal to me, it all lined up on its own, we aren't alone here. 

I also was thinking about the past six months and how I had gone into a very big depression and gone right to the very bottom of everything so I know what it is like. So many people have shown me so much support in all moments of this life and I wanted to share that same wisdom, compassion to anyone that shows up. I am able to help so why not, what it is a moment of my time if it helps push someone in a direction or even opens up a small sliver of awareness. It warmed my heart that all this happened. It's like what I said to a man on the train once; We are humanity! We are all in this together whether we like it or not. 

While all of this was taking place my seat in the diner got filled by an old lady who was passing by Ziggy, she thought he was a famous movie star or a famous something or other. They spoke of art, theatre, and other such performances. The universe threw people at us this day, these people needed to speak, so we listened. 

These relics of NYC history and experience spoke to us and reciprocated the conversation of our lives. 

We love you all.