Sunday, December 21, 2008


Well, how else do we figure it out?

We could let it come to us

I need to write it down and see it so I can re-read it and figure out what it means to me.

Hows that going for you?

Well, I am still just as confused as I was when I started out.

Do you feel like you have made any progress at all?

Sure, now I can walk down the street without wondering if something horrible is going to happen around every corner.

So then what confuses you?

What confuses me is this: What are we doing here? I see a whole world filled with poor people, rich people, powerless people, powerful people, corrupt people, religious people, people who don’t believe in anything, big houses, small houses, no houses at all. I see people heavy as brick walls, people light as feathers, people in between these states, People on the outside looking in, people on the inside looking out. This all feels like a strange dream and I keep pinching myself to see if I am going to wake up. I want to get up and get out of this place. I do my best to make everyone feel welcome. I am open to everything that happens but I don’t want to be a part of most of the things that do happen. I don’t even know what you can do to help me anymore, I don’t even know what I can do to help myself anymore as well. I know if I ask you, you will just give me a textbook remedy but that is not going to help me. It makes me sick to hear all of this, to see myself speak this, to see myself write all these things down. To see all this come out of this head of mine, but at the same time, I feel a big breakthrough coming on. I will keep writing and writing and writing and still I will feel like I haven't come any closer to seeing anything.