Monday, January 12, 2009


There're many elaborate theories about how the world came about. Big bang theories, theories of some god creating everything from scratch. There are so many theories that people get wrapped in. It makes for a very confusing time for us all. What are all these theories were just mistakes, feeble attempts at explaining the unexplainable? What if it all just started from some sort of conscious thought and that thought spread like wildfire and become so much to what we think we know and what we know now. Maybe all the black space of space was conscious of itself and it wanted to fill itself with new things that it yet didn't know it was capable of until the moment it became to realize that it was capable while moving with it. Maybe it did it because it was lonely and wanted something more of its infinite black space. So it could sit back and interact with whatever it was that came to mind. I am not the one to tell you and even if I did tell you, you wouldn't accept the answer because the answer would not be the one that you know and it wouldn't even be a final answer to all that is unthinkable and unknowable. It would be very vague, cryptic because even when you think about some big open space with nothing in it, your mind wants to know how that big open space came to be. I won't ever have an answer for you that will leave you complete. I do have theories that may satisfy your curiosity but you will itch for more and you will scratch, you will become thirsty and want to keep drinking and you will never be able to quench that thirst. It will feel like a wound, an open sore where the whole world will be trying to get into it while all these different ideas will keep coming out.

While writing this on the L train going to Dekalb Avenue stop a group of Spanish musicians began playing a song that seemed to have come from out of nowhere. Just like all of the endless questions of existence. Where did the song come from? It's obvious they know how to play their instruments and they can play together and make sounds come out of strings and vibrations but where did the original ideas stem from? Was it from everyday existence of going back and forth between thoughts, emotions, internal circumstance, external circumstance? I can read into this because even these ideas come from the same place. A place that is a mystery to me. I could read a million books about this subject but none of those ideas would be mine. They would be someone else's. To know that helps me realize that I don't actually really know anything at all, I only understand my experiences to be true of the past. Even those experiences are dead and gone. Everything that comes out of my head stems from an overheard conversation, from a book that I read, from a movie that I saw, or from an experience that passed through my life. What does this make me in the world? Am I just passing through this world? Through these emotions, notions, experiences, internal circumstances, external circumstances. What am I really trying to say? When I say it to you will you read this as truth? Will you read it as a lie? Even if you come up with either conclusion will you even remain satisfied or will there always be something else to achieve? Then after you have achieved it, then what? The questions can keep coming, coming, and coming. They will never seem to end until they end.