Thursday, March 19, 2009


I exist in infinite universe's plus one. You cannot even fathom the number infinite plus one because it keeps on going forever and forever and ever, plus one every single time. I exist as every single person I have ever known in every single one and now I know this. I know that we are all one in each and every single one of these infinite universe's and now I have a choice of which one I would like to reside in and now I have a choice of which one I want to bring into reality and now I have a choice of which one I want to bring into my life and now I have a...


Junkyard days from the past. I grew up near a dump, it smelled horrible. They filled it in a few years later but I remember driving on the way home all the time with mom and dad and the smell was hideous as we would pass it. All that junk and they just filled it over with some dirt. Nothing has changed when it comes to that, we just keep piling on the dirt over the junk that keeps accumulating. I used to go to the dump and smash stuff because man, I have been a fucking angry person for some time now. My buddy Corey and I would find bicycles, air conditioners, propane tanks, televisions, anything that was breakable. It was very refreshing to take other people's junk and take out the frustrations of growing up out on objects.


Then I am at another junkyard, I have a fixed gear bike made from parts and all I need now is a rear wheel with the fixed gear and I am looking through a pile of ten-speed parts and can;t seem to find one. The smell is horrible everywhere, it's a burning smell inside of your nostrils. It's like in Brooklyn in the industrial section.


I am in a building and no one is there and there are all of these hallways, empty. There are flashing lights and apparitions running around from the past but I am in the feeling that I know that none of this really exists, I think end up on top of the building, I jump off and fly away.


I am with a friend who I know pretty well but will keep nameless, we were never that close but in this dream we are very close and I am hugging her and all of a sudden we go into each other and merge and meld into one. Our eyes are shut and we are like the yin and the yang together. She smiles so much when we merge. The songs inside of her soul play so beautifully.


I then am in a past relationship that is based on sex and I am very disinterested in physical relationships now and I realize that this is just a projection of the past trying to pull me back, I start to fall for it again but then catch myself and completely walk away from it.


Monday, March 16, 2009


A tenuous light entered from the corridor and I knew I had seen it before because it was the kind of light that glows with an iridescence that no other light can seem to glow with. I had been basked in its beauty before when I was little and I remember it well or, at least, I have been tricked into remembering it well. I remember walking through the world with my mother. She is in another state and I am feeling alone with the alone in this big city of millions of people.

I still walk on with that light inside of me but with no direction to put it into. I am not sure what this light is all about intellectually. I know that somewhere in here it melds copper into gold but because I have not witnessed it myself a part of me still believes certainly that it is impossible to make this corridor light up and sparkle. I know that somewhere in here there are shiny diamonds and trinkets everywhere but all I seem to keep imagining are empty cobweb filled hallways with a door at the end. There are other empty rooms in the empty hallways. Those empty rooms also have other empty rooms and they are all hollowed out. You can hear echoes when you scream and even when you whisper the tiniest of whisper's.

I am that hollowed out empty vessel walking, searching through the empty rooms looking for signs of life, signs of anything to appease this loneliness of being alone with the alone. Wasting time with the time wasters. Wasting dreams with the dream chasers. It has all been fruitless. I have seen all of this before. I have seen this since 42 billion years ago and still have not gotten it right. The same empty rooms, the same empty corridors, the same empty cobwebs.

42 billions years of the same de-evolution but thinking of some upward progress. Thinking of a climb up a mountain while sitting in a chair. I am ready to walk out of that door. I am making a new one in the wall. Once through I am never coming back. I am walking into a room full of gold, trinkets of every kind that I can share with everyone who enters my house. The feeling I feel of jumping through this portal is a bit of apprehensiveness and a bit of fear but I have sailed the seven seas and there is nothing in this world that will ever be able to harm me. There is nothing in this world that will ever be able to take away what is really mine because that which is not yours will always be leaving and that which is yours is here to stay. The love that resides in this place is bigger than the sun, bigger than the moon and as small and unseen as the tiniest strand of DNA that resides in us all.