Monday, March 16, 2009


A tenuous light entered from the corridor and I knew I had seen it before because it was the kind of light that glows with an iridescence that no other light can seem to glow with. I had been basked in its beauty before when I was little and I remember it well or, at least, I have been tricked into remembering it well. I remember walking through the world with my mother. She is in another state and I am feeling alone with the alone in this big city of millions of people.

I still walk on with that light inside of me but with no direction to put it into. I am not sure what this light is all about intellectually. I know that somewhere in here it melds copper into gold but because I have not witnessed it myself a part of me still believes certainly that it is impossible to make this corridor light up and sparkle. I know that somewhere in here there are shiny diamonds and trinkets everywhere but all I seem to keep imagining are empty cobweb filled hallways with a door at the end. There are other empty rooms in the empty hallways. Those empty rooms also have other empty rooms and they are all hollowed out. You can hear echoes when you scream and even when you whisper the tiniest of whisper's.

I am that hollowed out empty vessel walking, searching through the empty rooms looking for signs of life, signs of anything to appease this loneliness of being alone with the alone. Wasting time with the time wasters. Wasting dreams with the dream chasers. It has all been fruitless. I have seen all of this before. I have seen this since 42 billion years ago and still have not gotten it right. The same empty rooms, the same empty corridors, the same empty cobwebs.

42 billions years of the same de-evolution but thinking of some upward progress. Thinking of a climb up a mountain while sitting in a chair. I am ready to walk out of that door. I am making a new one in the wall. Once through I am never coming back. I am walking into a room full of gold, trinkets of every kind that I can share with everyone who enters my house. The feeling I feel of jumping through this portal is a bit of apprehensiveness and a bit of fear but I have sailed the seven seas and there is nothing in this world that will ever be able to harm me. There is nothing in this world that will ever be able to take away what is really mine because that which is not yours will always be leaving and that which is yours is here to stay. The love that resides in this place is bigger than the sun, bigger than the moon and as small and unseen as the tiniest strand of DNA that resides in us all.